This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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