mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
