I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
