hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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