i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They took my balls.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
