How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
