My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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