I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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