You work out of a Hotel?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
