You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
