yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
