I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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