omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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