Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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