The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
