I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
