Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
