i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
