Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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