Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
