You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
