another moral hangover. fuck.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
