There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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