I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it penis luge time yet?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
