weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
