So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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