four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
