Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
