and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
