i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
