Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
