Actions speak louder than pants.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
