talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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