Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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