Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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