Plan B is the new Plan A
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
