I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
