i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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