I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
