you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
