I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I forget how to act sober
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
