how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
