We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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