No stitches, just platelets and will power
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I love you.
Bad choice
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