dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
