I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
