I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
