hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
