This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
