i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
