They should really pass out barf bags in church
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
