sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
