I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
