You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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