i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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