i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sobbing to NWA
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
