You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
