you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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