as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
