is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
