Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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