Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
