i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
