My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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