If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's never too late to be topless.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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