He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize