Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
