what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
