i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
