haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize