I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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