She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
