Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
