I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
