I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm jealous of your bromance
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
