he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
