i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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