The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
